Posts tagged advice
But First, Love Yourself

There are so many people out here these days giving advice about almost every topic. Many call themselves life coaches or relationship experts in order to validate themselves and cause you to trust the information that they are giving to you.  I'm no such person.  I am just your everyday wife and mother, who just so happens to know a thing or two about what works in relationships.  Oftentimes, people have something to say, but are they really telling you the truth. And, if they are telling the truth, are they telling it all? Sometimes to me, it all just sounds like: blah, blah, blah.

What's the issue that I have? You never get told the full story. Should you have someone who loves and respects you? Yes, absolutely.  The problem with these "pop up" advisers is, they are not telling you that, you have to give the other person something to respect.  You can't be out here wearing the most scandalous clothes you can find, running to every club and event, having random sex with people, fighting, and acting the fool like you have no common sense, and then expect for that "good man" or "good woman" to accept you.  Even a stripper can have class and dignity, so it isn't about the occupation, money or status in life but, it is has a lot to do with how you were raised, how you see yourself, and what you have determined as your self-worth.  You can read a book about it, listen to YouTube preaching and read Instagram and Facebook posts like they are going out of style, but if you are not changing your ways to match the requirements that you are placing on someone else, then . . . you will never find the person you are looking for.

You want someone to love you and give you what you need, but first, you need to look within yourself.  Are you open to love? Have you dealt with your issues from the last relationship? Are you really ready for love or are you lonely and just ready to have someone in your bed? Some of us need to learn how to be comfortable with our own company first.  Learn to love the person in the mirror; their flaws, their insecurities, their sorrow, their fears, and everything that makes them who they are.  Without an intimate understanding of our innermost self, there is no way that we will be able to truly love someone else.  We have to deal with our own issues before we can decide to incorporate someone else into the can of mixed nuts that comprises our lives. I said all the above to say this: The answer you look for isn't in some book that you can go to the store and buy.  The answer you are searching for is right in front of your face.  Stand in the mirror, open your eyes and see yourself.  If you don't like what you see, change it.  If you're uneducated, change that. If you can't cook, learn.  Need a new wardrobe, buy one. Whatever it is. Get it together so you can love again.

Look inside yourself and you will find, the answer to all the questions in your mind. All the reasons why.  All the tools you need to be ready to love again.  Look inside, dig deep and do the work. Do what it takes to be the best that you can be, so that when your true love comes along, all you have to do is open your arms. The rest will fall into place.  Heal yourself before you think of loving someone else.

Open Letter to Grads

Graduating from high school is a major accomplishment. In these days of endless testing, educational changes, and a poor economy, it’s hard to students to focus on education.  If I had my way, and I could speak to every graduating class of high school students around the world, here’s what I would say.

1.)  Keep your eyes on the prize.  Life is a roller coaster. There will be ups, there will be downs; there will be dips, twist, turns, thrills and moments of panic and distress. The road you travel will not necessarily lead you directly to your destination. There may be detours, blocked lanes, accidents and construction to deal with.  With that being said, never get distracted from your true purpose.  Continue on your quest to reach your goals.  Don’t look left, right, back, down or even forward.  Keep your eyes to the sky.  Walk by faith and let the grace of God take you where you’re flesh and blood may be too afraid to go. 

2.)  Don’t play the hater game. Most people will admit that they have haters; those people who do not want them to succeed and try the hardest impart words of discouragement in order to annihilate their hopes, goals and dreams.  Never worry about the opinions, pessimism, or mis-guidance of others. Worrying about your haters and what they have to say is the equivalent of wearing white shoes to a child’s birthday party and worrying about how many times they will get stepped on. It just doesn’t make any sense.  Haters are just admirers who don’t know how to show it. They’re acknowledging the fact that you’re doing something right, they just may not be in a place in their life where they can celebrate the success of another. Never succeed to prove them wrong, succeed in order to prove yourself right.

3.)  Always trust your gut. God has provided us with a tool that will never steer us astray.  It is the spirit that Jesus left when he ascended into heaven.  Some call it the Holy Spirit or in general terms, intuition.  It sets off an alarm inside of us when things are inherently wrong and makes us questions situations, people and actions that may cause us harm. Never stray from it.  Never ignore those butterflies in your stomach, the thought that gives you pause, or the annoying voice in your head that is screaming, "No!"  You will never regret trusting your gut. 

4.)  Never stop learning.  When you stop learning, feeding your intellectual appetite or increasing your wealth of knowledge is when you may as well head to Bradenton Funeral Home and ask Dr. Lavelle Bing to open the casket so that you can climb in. There is so much knowledge to be had in this world and, even if the information seems the least bit appealing and extremely irrelevant, always know that there may come a time when you wish you would’ve learned that bit of trivial information.  Learning is essential to life and the pathway to success and achievement.  No matter how corny the saying, knowledge is power. 

5.)  Learn the power of NO. You will encounter many moments when you are pressured to do things by fellow college students; attend a party when you have an early class in the morning, go away for the weekend when you don’t have any money, or hang out when you really should be working on your research paper.  It’s okay to say no.  No should be a major part of your vocabulary as a college student, away from home and trying to prove that you can make it on your own.  Those credit card solicitors will have their clipboards ready and waiting for you to sign your financial freedom away for $500; just say no.  That slick senior will be ready to ask you to leave your friends at the club and head to a private place with him; just say no.  That overzealous football fan will try to persuade you to have a little fun without protection; just say no.  It’s okay and, in the end, you would rather be ridiculed for making the right choice and saying no or looking back and regretting your actions because now your stuck with bad credit and a bill, a horrific memory of sexual encounter you never intended or the child support payments that cause you to quit school.  Use no, and use it often.

6.)  Discover who you are.  As children and teens inside of our parent’s homes, we have to abide by their rules and often we are who they would like for us to be.  College is a time of discovery and revelation.  It is when we are able to become adults and truly learn our likes, dislikes, pet peeves, and toxic behaviors.  It is our moment of truth.  Where we are no longer under the watchful eye of the family, the neighborhood, or the community but a bird, flying free and exploring the world.  You will make mistakes; you will have regrets, but never ever feel like there is no hope in life.  Your parents and family are there to help you and God has the ability to make every stumbling block move you in the right direction.

Go, change the world and make a difference.  As I said before, don’t live your life worrying about who is going to have something to say. Keep prayer in the forefront of your life and leave a legacy.