Toxic Waste Women

Often, we as women complain about there not being any good men out there. I beg to differ. There are good men out there but some of us turn them off because some of us are Toxic Waste Women. Why do I say this? Am I on the side of the men? Am I some woman-hating female who wants to bash other women and take the side of undeserving men? No, quite the contrary. I’m not on anybody’s side. I choose the side of true love, common courtesy, and common sense (which some of us don’t have). Before you get upset and write this off as another sister hating on all the rest, hear me out.

There are always so many people out there with opinions on how men should treat women but very few on how women should treat men. As a mother of sons and a sister to two brothers, I am particularly passionate about this issue because, let’s face it, there are some nasty scandalous women in this world. Nobody’s perfect and we all make mistakes but some of us are the poison that causes men to label us all as bitches and hoes. They are the conniving, ungrateful, and self-seeking. Listen closely. There are various types of toxic women. The examples below will explain a few.

 

The Toxic Dater

As a woman, when she meets a man, one of the most important things to is letting everyone else know that he belongs to her. She wears his jacket, rocks his chain, holds his hand in public, changes her status to in a relationship on Facebook, and tells all her friends about the wonderful new man she’s enthralled with. There’s just one problem; he doesn’t see things the same way. Yeah, they guys are kicking it. Yeah, he’s taken her out a few times, visited her home, met her kids, and caused her to break the rule that she has about waiting a month before giving up the goods. The sex may have been amazing that sealed the deal. Her heart is telling her that she is in love. To him, the relationship is still new or he’s just not so prepared to commit. He hasn’t asked her to be his woman. He hasn’t placed the same restrictions on her that she has on him. Then, when she finds out that he may be talking to someone else or just not that into her, she flips her wig.

She blasts him on Facebook, writing cryptic messages on his timeline, attacking any woman that makes a comment on his status, making snide remarks about him to her friends and then proceeding to badger him and berate him via telephone and text message. Why, what’s the purpose? To let him know how hurt you are or how wrong he is? To put him on blast and make sure everyone knows what a scumbag you think he is? Do you really think that will matter? No, because the same females who wanted him before will want him even more now that they know he’s not messing with you and some of them will even want him only because you couldn’t get him. He will anger at you calling him out of his name and why are you so upset in the first place? Instead of being a woman and allowing yourself to figure out where you stand with this person, you assume that your situation is one thing when it really is another. If he’s not reciprocating the things you have done for him then truly, who’s chasing whom? When the situation goes bad and things go viral, this brother may choose to never do nice things for a woman or treat her well while he’s getting to know her because he doesn’t want the needless drama. Drama she caused because she equated sex to love or a relationship and tried to move things along too fast.

 

The Toxic Revolving Relationship Chick

Then there’s the toxic revolving relationship chicks. What is this you ask? Just give me a moment and I will explain. The relationship chick seems like the perfect girl, from the outside looking in. She takes care of her children, she gets assistance but knows how to manage it, and she has a car. A man comes along with promise; he doesn’t mind her kids, he helps her with the minimal bills she has and he reaps all the benefits of being with a chick who has kids and government benefits brings. There’s only one thing. Once she has him hooked and in her possession, she doesn’t allow him to be a man.  She doesn't encourage him to change his life, follow his dreams or pursue a legit way of living (if hustling is his game) She curses him out for trying to discipline her children, no matter how disrespectful to her (or him) they may be. She asks him for more and more, pay for this, get that, we want to go here but, he doesn’t “really” live there (he still has his room at his mama’s house) and as the days go by, she has more and more demands. When he talks to her about making a change, she doesn’t really hear it. All she sees is the come up; she has someone that can get her all the things that she wants. Eventually, one of two things happen; he gets locked up because his livelihood is contributing to the current detriment of society or he gets tired of being a sponsor and moves on to the next (if he hasn’t been cheating the entire time). Then again, why should he be faithful and “wife” her when his view from the inside is no longer warped by the rose colored tint on the windows.

He discovers much. She doesn’t clean, can’t cook and will feed her children McDonald’s or Little Cesar’s in a minute instead of turning on the stove. Her mouth is foul and, when it comes to mothering, she could use some pointers. Most of all, when he expressed his dreams, hopes and fears, she ignored them or tore him down so low that he may never recover. She never encouraged him to get out of the game; never told him about all the potential she saw in him; never expressed one iota of gratitude for the things he provided for children who did not possess his blood. What she did do was demand more. Just like every other woman in his life has. Now he sees us all the same. We want and ask and are forever ungrateful. Now look at what’s happened, a man with the potential to go far, change his life for the better and hers for that matter has no faith in the power of a relationship and the fact that, if she’s a real woman, she will help him start from scratch and build an empire. She will encourage him, be the voice of reason and, in times of trouble, she can hold her own.

The Toxic Baby Mama

The title is self-explanatory. Many men choose women because of looks and then, without fail, they procreate. The relationship falls a part and now, she becomes resentful because she’s stuck with responsibility for eighteen years while he’s got his freedom. He meets someone else and they start a family as well but she’s still sorting through the mess of men she allows into her life. Her resentment grows, especially when he’s at home every night with his other children and he doesn’t have as much time for hers or, since he’s gotten with his “new chick” he’s no longer willing to deal with her whenever she wants so she resorts to child’s play. She tells her kids that your other kids aren’t their brothers and sisters; she won’t let you see your kid or even have them around your new girlfriend and her family; she fills your child’s head with lies and makes them feel inadequate since you’ve gone and “started another family”.  You blast him on social media, you tell everyone you see how bad of a dad he is and you curse him out every time he calls or comes by, not realizing that your child is taking note of every word. Instead of wanting to visit his child and spend time with them or take them places, he would rather just send you child support and stay away because you make his life so miserable. He would rather deal with the pain and consequences of not seeing his child than have to face an ignorant, self-centered, hot ratchet mess of a woman scorned. Now, not only are you suffering but your child is suffering too.

Sometimes the blame is on us ladies. Sometimes we have to recognize the patterns in the way we live our lives and we have to be the one cut the cycle short. We have to stop adding to the destruction of a dwindling supply of good men. When one of us hurts the opposite sex, not only are we making it hard for our fellow sisters who have to deal with this man after us but, we are making it hard for the future of black children because they will have to deal with the consequences of broken relationships. Instead of adding to the problem, we need to be a part of the solution. I’m not saying that we have to accept whatever mess a man may bring but what I am saying is that we must be the kind of woman who builds up and not tears down, who helps instead of hinders, and who proves to the men in the world that life is more than just the images of women that they see in the street or have encountered in the past.

Focus...
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Ecclesiastes 11:9 Walk in the ways of your heart, And in the sight of your eyes...

In my morning reflections and attempting to find a message for the upcoming year, I came up with a the saying above.  'Do what you love, focus.'  The new year is always a time of reflection, change, and goal setting for the year ahead. There's something about the new year that makes us want to start over and not repeat the same mistakes from prior year.  It's as if we have a fresh start on the life that we want to have, or a reason to believe that all of our hard work from the previous year will finally begin to pay off.  I'm no different.  Each year, I have goals for the year ahead written down, mapped out and placed on my vision board as a daily affirmation that those things will be achieved.

Deep inside of us, our soul is often a driving force in the things that we desire to change in our lives. There's this inner voice, this tugging, or this feeling that we can't explain, yet it is as real as ever.  Cheering us on and telling us to focus on what matters. It is in sync with our hearts willing us to continue on the path to our destiny.  With that being said, what's my advice to everyone who is trying to make changes and achieve their goals? Focus.  Don't become distracted with life's distractions. Keep choosing the right path and climbing the mountain—no matter how steep or how rocky the path—to your destiny.

We all know that life happens; accidents, hardships, unexpected expenses.  These things can all make it seem as if the plan that we have or the goals that we have set are not meant to be. Stumbling blocks will always be in the way, to distract you from your purpose and to get you off track, but you must continue to focus.  Keep your eyes on the prize.  Continue to travel the path that leads to your future. Even if it means leaving some things . . . and some people behind you. Focus, and do what you love. There is no greater feeling than accomplishing your goals and fulfilling the vision that God has given to you.

I wish you all success and prosperity on the new year, as well as the courage and focus to not be distracted by the world around you.  I pray that God can plug your ears from the haters and naysayers and give you tunnel vision to be obedient and allow Him to fulfill His promises.  Stay the course, and above all else, do what you love.

Learning to Trust Again
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I will be the first to admit that I have trust issues.  It's kind of hard not to when many of the memories embedded in your mind involve betrayal of trust. Just as the thought of those things that are beautiful; your favorite birthday party, the best family cookout, or the best trip you ever took can elicit feelings of joy, memories that were unpleasant; your worst relationship break-up, the death of a loved one, or a scary encounter can evoke feelings of hurt and pain.  Those moments that can’t easily be wiped away because they’ve been permanently memorialized in the form of a brick around your heart.  Your wall of distrust adds bricks as you navigate through life’s tribulations, eventually becoming so high; scaling it, tearing it down, or even finding your way through it is an incessant impossibility.  What’s even worse, those around us seem to be more interested in fortifying the structure with more stones rather than explosives that are able to blast through to the other side.  How can one recover from the relentless onslaught of betrayals?

Communication is number one.  You must examine whether or not you are communicating your knowledge of the injustices that have been committed against you.  There are times when infractions are evident like stealing or cheating but there are other times when dishonesty constitutes actions perceived or taken as a violation of some unspoken rule. These misfortunes can often get lost in the sea of communication and carried off on a wave of what is never said.  Here’s an example, you tell your cousin a secret and make her promise not to utter a word to anyone. She pinky-swears and you spill the beans.  Later, you find out she not only tells your secret but the person she tells spreads the news and when an argument breaks out between you and someone else at a large family gathering, you’re soon humiliated by the fact that everyone in the family knows your business.  Now your trust is shaken and you’re feeling some type of way. The person you thought you could entrust with a secret has failed you miserably and you vow to never tell family a secret again. In a situation such as this, communication about how the offense has made you feel.  You must tell them how your confidence has been damaged you and what that person can do to change the way you feel or right their wrong.  Allowing someone to be redeemed and start over again. 

 Family secrets are secrets of the worst kind. Your family is holding onto something that could change your life forever.  As a black woman, these types of secrets plague almost every family I know and often cause more pain when kept hidden than if they were to be revealed and all parties allowed to heal.  Such secrets always involve such painful topics as molestation, paternity or a spouse cheating and are never revealed under joyful circumstances.  Once revealed, the news is no doubt devastating, and the pain becomes almost too much to carry or even fathom.  How can you bounce back from such a blow? How do you forgive and move on? How can you find it in your heart to allow those people back into your life and once again trust them? 

If the blow is life changing then the only possible solution may be time.  Just as a cut bleeds, clots off, scabs over and heals, so shall the wounds inflicted upon by those you love.  Time may require that you separate yourself from the offenders, give yourself space to thing and room to breath, allow you anger to subside and for the burning desire for revenge to be quenched in the cool sands of time.  The stitches in your heart will dissolve leaving it mended but scarred. With time, the memories will fade away and be replaced.  Eventually, once the work is done and those who have wronged you prove their sincerity with their actions, the walls within your heart will start to weaken and eventually fall down.  Even better, if you continue to develop a relationship with our Father in heaven, He will be the dynamite that blows those walls away.  

In closing I say this, trust is precious.  It is something that, once thrown away, it is hard to be retrieved.  In closing, I will say this, never ignore your feelings.  If something or someone hurts you, let them know. Second chances are about an important part of growth in life and, no matter the circumstances, you must give yourself permission to take down your walls and trust again. 

 

 

 

Am I My Sister's Keeper?
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Does my title speak for itself? Maybe.  Continue to read and find out.  As one of my previous blog post revealed, I have a love/hate relationship with the female gender. We are often the sources of one another’s pain and misfortune because we fail to follow some simple rules.  If there is any major example of how petty and trifling women can be, look at any reality show currently on television; Real Housewives, Love & Hip Hop, Bad Girls Club, Basketball Wives, R&B Divas, and the list goes on and on. These shows display the sad shape of our sisterhood.  Even Married to Medicine, where women who are professionals and the wives of professionals, exhibits it’s own amount of drama and mess among women who are educated and well to do. No one is exempt.

What is one of our main sources of contention as women? Well, men of course.  We often find ourselves at odds because one of us has allowed a snake to slither in our grass for a while and we got used to seeing it.  Then, when he decides to slither away because the grass is seemingly greener on the other side of the fence, we end up hating our neighbor instead of the snake.  We feel our neighbor is obligated to return to us what is “ours” and to apologize for the fact that “our” snake decided to slither away.  Is it our neighbor’s fault? In some situations, it may be but, even if your neighbor knew the snake was yours, what obligation do they really have to you?  More than likely, the answer to that is none.  Instead of taking your garden hoe and chopping that snake into tiny little pieces like you should, you continue to fertilize your grass in order to tempt him back to your luscious green turf.  Then, when your efforts to attract him are not enough, you choose to attack your neighbor; either physically, verbally or by ruining their character, not knowing that the snake will soon move on from you both because he’s always looking for the greener garden.  What’s even worse, often in this situation, children are brought into the mix and, instead of having mothers who are able to put aside their differences and bring the siblings together, you get mothers who would rather teach their children to hate their own flesh and blood.  You're also not keeping in mind that there is more out there to be had than just a little snake poison.  AIDS is real.

I don't have the desire to beat a dead horse.  We all know there are those of us who will never respect the boundaries of others, we will never choose the path of least resistance, and we will never take responsibility for our actions enough to see past our own desires.  We will continue to be at odds; spending our money on the best fertilizer (make-up, sexy dresses, weaves, lashes, and heels) and weed killer (slander, rumors, and petty fights) to attract the snakes slithering all around us.  We know there are those who don't mind playing second or third or hell, even sharing and playing on the same snake's team just to say that they have a little bit of meat in their flower bed.  Who don't care that their situation will never be permanent because the snake will continue to slither and find other yards to nest in. So why fight with our sister over a temporary situation? Why create enemies when, soon enough, you will both be at a loss? I don't get it and I never will. There is never a need to fight over a little rattlesnake meat when the one that is destined for you could be out there and you miss him because you're holding on to something that doesn't mean you any good.  But I digress.

The real lesson to be learned here is, when going about your everyday actions and dealing with those of the same gender, always ask yourself, am I my sister's keeper? If the answer is yes then, you would help her look for the snakes in the grass and you'd both get your lawn mower, cut down the grass so you can see him, then get your hoes out and chop him into itty bitty pieces.  What more is there to be said? As always, make smart decisions and never give more than your willing to take. Watch out for those snakes.

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Learning to Trust Again

I will be the first to admit that I have trust issues.  It's kind of hard not to when many of the memories embedded in your mind involve betrayal of trust. Just as the thought of those things that are beautiful; your favorite birthday party, the best family cookout, or the best trip you ever took can elicit feelings of joy, memories that were unpleasant; your worst relationship break-up, the death of a loved one, or a scary encounter can evoke feelings of hurt and pain.  Those moments that can’t easily be wiped away because they’ve been permanently memorialized in the form of a brick around your heart.  Your wall of distrust adds bricks as you navigate through life’s tribulations, eventually becoming so high; scaling it, tearing it down, or even finding your way through it is an incessant impossibility.  What’s even worse, those around us seem to be more interested in fortifying the structure with more stones rather than explosives that are able to blast through to the other side.  How can one recover from the relentless onslaught of betrayals?

Communication is number one.  You must examine whether or not you are communicating your knowledge of the injustices that have been committed against you.  There are times when infractions are evident like stealing or cheating but there are other times when dishonesty constitutes actions perceived or taken as a violation of some unspoken rule. These misfortunes can often get lost in the sea of communication and carried off on a wave of what is never said.  Here’s an example, you tell your cousin a secret and make her promise not to utter a word to anyone. She pinky-swears and you spill the beans.  Later, you find out she not only tells your secret but the person she tells spreads the news and when an argument breaks out between you and someone else at a large family gathering, you’re soon humiliated by the fact that everyone in the family knows your business.  Now your trust is shaken and you’re feeling some type of way. The person you thought you could entrust with a secret has failed you miserably and you vow to never tell family a secret again. In a situation such as this, communication about how the offense has made you feel.  You must tell them how your confidence has been damaged you and what that person can do to change the way you feel or right their wrong.  Allowing someone to be redeemed and start over again. 

 Family secrets are secrets of the worst kind. Your family is holding onto something that could change your life forever.  As a black woman, these types of secrets plague almost every family I know and often cause more pain when kept hidden than if they were to be revealed and all parties allowed to heal.  Such secrets always involve such painful topics as molestation, paternity or a spouse cheating and are never revealed under joyful circumstances.  Once revealed, the news is no doubt devastating, and the pain becomes almost too much to carry or even fathom.  How can you bounce back from such a blow? How do you forgive and move on? How can you find it in your heart to allow those people back into your life and once again trust them? 

If the blow is life changing then the only possible solution may be time.  Just as a cut bleeds, clots off, scabs over and heals, so shall the wounds inflicted upon by those you love.  Time may require that you separate yourself from the offenders, give yourself space to thing and room to breath, allow you anger to subside and for the burning desire for revenge to be quenched in the cool sands of time.  The stitches in your heart will dissolve leaving it mended but scarred. With time, the memories will fade away and be replaced.  Eventually, once the work is done and those who have wronged you prove their sincerity with their actions, the walls within your heart will start to weaken and eventually fall down.  Even better, if you continue to develop a relationship with our Father in heaven, He will be the dynamite that blows those walls away.  

In closing I say this, trust is precious.  It is something that, once thrown away, it is hard to be retrieved.  In closing, I will say this, never ignore your feelings.  If something or someone hurts you, let them know. Second chances are about an important part of growth in life and, no matter the circumstances, you must give yourself permission to take down your walls and trust again. 

 

 

Tanasia ThomasComment
This Race Called Life

We all have times in life when we feel inadequate.  Times where, no matter what we do, no matter how many accolades we receive from others, we just don’t feel like we are worthy.  The timing of our heartbeat is off, our soul is wounded and there’s an empty black space inside of us. It’s like you’re fighting your way through a thick fog. When you’re walking in your cloud of darkness and despair, there seems to be no end in sight.  Every step you take saps your energy, daily tasks are a burden, and finding something to smile about in life just seems to be impossible.  I can vouch that I’ve been there, where the trouble that isn’t supposed to last always seems to be a never-ending barrage of tumultuous rain. You pray for relief, but all you get is another deafening blow.  Your hope is hanging on by one hand on a ledge and screaming for your help.  Your mind has taken over and, instead of being a source of encouragement and now you can’t even bring yourself to face the person reflecting back in the mirror.  

Depression and constant sadness are topics that are continuously swept under the rug or hidden from those around us.  Those of us who are clever enough to hide it; paint on a smile, silently swallow the tears, will our heart not to bleed, and drown out our pain in the noise of others. But then, we go home and the mask we wore must be removed. The feelings of inadequacy, disgust, irrelevance, and unworthiness stalk in and cloud our psyche with shadows.  The feelings inside cannot be explained and all you know is there’s a dull ache inside that no form of medication can pacify.  You feel broken and unable to be repaired. You feel like no one around you could ever comprehend or understand.  I’m here to tell you that, we all have suffered from the same thing.  We’ve all taken massive blows.  We’ve all suffered loss.  We’ve all felt undeserving, not good enough, and unable to get a handle or a grip on the sadness within.  And yet, there is hope. 

When you look around, take a step back and allow yourself to not wallow in your own despair, the sadness you feel inside can be washed away.  How? First and foremost, by casting all your cares at the feet of our Creator.  Through prayer and faith in God, there is no sorrow that can’t be turned to joy, no wound that can’t be healed, and no sea of tears that cannot be washed away.  In Him, we can find joy, peace, and a renewed love for ourselves and our lives.  Second, we can take the focus off of ourselves and think about those around us who deeply love and care for us.  How would their lives be altered if we continue to allow despair and sorrow to have it’s way? If nothing else, we must find joy and happiness in the role we play in the lives of others and, if we can’t find the strength to do it for our own sake, we must find the strength to endure for those we love.  Next, we must take a step back and look at those around.  Place ourselves in someone else’s shoes and, see that our situation often pales in comparison to that of others.  Our sorrows, our hardships, our pains are but a small portion when compared to those who are truly going through.  Selflessness can bring you out of each and every situation and reveal to us just how blessed and fortunate we truly are.  Lastly, when all else fails, talk to someone. Let them know how you’re feeling inside and be sure to allow them the opportunity to assist you on your journey to healing.  

In closing, I tell you this.  I am strong, determined, driven, educated, loved, revered, trusted, and a true believer in Christ but, I too have my moments.  Times when I feel less than blessed. Moments when I feel inadequate and worthless.  Periods when I just want to escape this life of mine and become someone or something else.  Life is hard and no doubt trials will come but I’ve learned to talk about how I feel.  Let my insecurities be known so that I can get the reassurance and encouragement that I need.  I get down on my knees and pray; allow God to work.  I make it my mission to encourage others in the midst of my storm and suddenly, when I look around, the storm has passed over, the clouds have moved on and the sun is shining, brighter than any star in the heavens.  Strength comes from lifting weights, endurance and training.  The tests and trials that we go through is our training. It prepares us to run in this marathon called life.  There are times when we shall grow weary, times when we will thirst, and times when we may want to give up but, the prize at the end of our journey, must be enough to keep us putting one foot in front of the other. Just know, that in order to break the ribbon at the end, you first have to approach the starting line at the beginning.  Stay in the race. Never give up and never give in for life is not a sprint, but a slow and steady jog.  Hope this helps someone. Be blessed.

Tanasia ThomasComment
Taming the Beast

We all have different callings and stations in life. Inside of me is a beast with an inherent need to succeed.  It nags me when I feel like taking a break from bettering myself, it slaps me across the face when I want to give up and sometimes, it gets scared of the continuous upward climb and questions me to see when enough is enough.  How far in life do I have to go before I’ve decided that I’ve reached the level of ultimate success? What position must I reach before I decide that I’ve finally “made it”? With the beast of success driving me to my destination, there are often feelings that I push to the side and hide from even those near and dear to my heart.  Deep inside, tugging at the beast’s core and yelling to be recognized is guilt.

What exactly do I have to feel guilty about? Why should I feel guilty about wanting to succeed, wanting to have a career, or wanting to provide a better life for my family? What’s so wrong with that?

As I have stated in a previous post, one of my main issues is, I’m superwoman. Really, I am.  I want to be everything to my husband, children, family members and friends. Why, because it’s the beast inside that feeds off of excellence that is driving me to do it.  I want to be the best wife I can be; have an immaculate home, cook hot meals morning, noon, and night, have no laundry piled up, kids in perfect tip-top shape, workout for hours at a time, and be the woman of his dream, and more.  I want to be the best mom; always having a fun activity going on, continuously educating and schooling, taking them out to play everyday, keeping up with what is going on in their lives, and staying abreast of their current feelings.   To everyone else, I want to be the best; best daughter, sister, cousin friend by attending every event, helping everyone out, always showing support, and never missing church or Bible study.  Pretty ambitious, I know but hey, I’ve got to feed the beast.  His appetite is ravenous and he never sleeps.  I mean, I’ve worked two jobs, taken three Masters courses at a time, started a new career, traveled everywhere, helped coach a YMCA basketball team, worked on a novel and blogged, simultaneously.  All the while being a wife, mother, sister, and friend.  I don’t think I slept more than four hours at a time in two years.  Hey, I was thing about me, with my family in the background.  The beast wanted to have a Master's degree and become a leader within the healthcare industry and would stop at nothing until he had the sweet nectar of success in his mouth, all the while knowing that it wouldn’t be enough.  His appetite to climb the corporate ladder, make more money, and have more letters behind his name came first while my family, my home and my health came second. I won’t lie, I fed this beast feverishly until one day, something set in and I did a complete about-face.

I didn’t want to feed the beast anymore.  He needed to go on a diet.  Besides, the more I examined myself, my life, and what was important, I realized that my children were suffering.  They had a mother who was smart, driven, accomplished, and educated, but they also had a mother who was tired.  Distracted by her research and papers or the every growing list of things to do and appointments on her calendar.  She only half-heartedly listened when they told her about their day. She didn’t have time to play games with them like they wanted her too and the park was something they did with their dad because hey, mama had two papers to write and a three chapters to finish reading by Sunday. They seemingly lacked for nothing. Except for their mother’s undivided attention.  One day, I decided to sit down and have a long talk with the beast. He was running my life and it was time we got an understanding.

I had an epiphany and, instead of taking the beast’s word for it, I went out and bought a chain and a cage. I put the beast away. I decided that, watching my children grow up, truly enjoying them and being the type of mom to them that my grandmother was to me, was way more important that making a name for myself in the world.  They are my world.  My reason for living and breathing but, they are also my reason for slowing it down.  I reevaluated myself and decided that the most important role I could play in this life, besides being a fervent follower of Christ, is to be a wife and a mother.  Nothing else matters.  Teaching is the first job I’ve ever had where I’ve never gone home at night and said, ‘I want to quit.’ It’s the one job where I’ve never minded going.  No matter what issues may arise, no matter how much my students may drain me, and no matter how many times I feel like I’m flying by the seat of my pants.  I have found my peace, my ultimate place in the world.  Nothing could make me happier (except being on the New York Times National best seller list but, hey in due time).  As I told my husband the other day, you can always, ALWAYS make more money, but you can’t make more memories.  My kids are growing fast and I cherish every second that I get to spend with them. From going to the park, checking out books from the library, visiting museums, watching movies together on Netflix, and being off every weekend and holiday, I enjoy the time we have together. It’s priceless and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.  I’m not saying that I don’t like going out into the world meeting new people and making connections but, what I am saying is that, the most important lives that I need to make a difference in, came from my own womb.

In closing, all have an expiration date. Don’t let a moment pass you by without cherishing it to the fullest. You can always make more money, but you can’t always make more memories.

 

 

Tanasia ThomasComment
When He calls...
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I am often asked how can I be so sure that I've made the right choice. What makes me so sure about my decision? Why don't I have doubts when there is no light at the end of the tunnel and I seem to just be fumbling around in the darkness? Recently, life has pulled me in so many directions, it has been difficult to keep up with my blog, social media, or even offer a daily encouraging word, because I was still trying to figure out what I want to do. Then this morning, it all seemed to make sense. All the questions in my head disappeared, and the reason for my being came to me crystal clear. No, it wasn't what I expected...not even close, but the beauty in it is that, the reward in the end will be greater than I can fathom. This post is actually the first step in my transparency. In showing the world who I am destined to be, and no longer being ashamed of what I carry inside of me.  The thing that has haunted me for the past thirty-five years. He asked me a question...and I had no answer. What could I say? How can I tell Him that all this time, I have been a afraid? A coward of sorts. Wanting to have it my way, yet cling to Him in the shadows. No more. My life was so at peace before. When I was dedicated to His purpose and living my life as He would have me to. In reality, I made this bed, but unlike so many others, I refuse to lay in it. It's time to put away childish things. Time is short. This world will soon be no more, and I cannot continue to struggle...

God will let you know exactly where He wants you to be. I waved my white flag of surrender today. I'm done. My legs have grown tired and I can run no more. His steps were deliberate. How you ask? Well, here it goes:

1.) He spoke directly to me. In the form of a minister, telling the young people how to break the chains of generational curses, to live different, commission themselves to a life of purity, and to guard themselves against attacks of the enemy. In seeing the youth singing today and speaking, it hit me...they need you. This is where I want you to be. (See I had been contemplating going to another church because it seemed more hip) If you're a believer, you know His voice and when you hear it, you have the assurance and peace that no one around you can understand.

2.) He will allow things to fall into place. You see, I was determined to go to the other church I had visited. I even started an argument with my husband because he didn't want to. I threw a tantrum and told him I would just stay home, then...my brother-in-law texted and said he was staying in today. Well, the decision was made for me. It all fell into place and an understanding came over me because if not for that, I wouldn't have made the decision that I did today. I mean, I walk in the door of that church and I want to shout. That doesn't happen at the place I wanted to go.

3.) He will send you a messenger. The youth sang one of my favorite Christian rock songs. Like, besides my son, I was the only one in the audience who knew the words. Afterwards, the leader was timid, but one of the musicians asked me to join the praise and worship team. You see, no matter how much you think you're hiding, your gifts will come forth and God will make you use them for Him.

4.) His word will give you the answer.  God used Esther, Deborah, Bathsheba, and countless others to reach His people. I want to be among them.

5.) He will close one door and open another. Sometimes, in large churches, you can get lost in the midst of those who are competing for positions and power amongst the congregation. I don't want that. I want God to use me to change people's lives. To influence others to live for Him and give Him their all. I like intimacy, closeness, and the feeling of family. That's what I came from, and that's where I will feel most at home.

I pray this little revelation has helped you as much as it has helped me to write it. For so long, I took the things that people who called themselves Christians and held them against God. I blamed Him for allowing those people to scar my heart, so I refused to fully commit to His will. Silly me. My rebellious spirit is no match for the Creator. Be blessed everyone, and never allow the pain and bitterness of others to make you continue to fight against what God has for you. The whooping He will put on you isn't worth the small feeling of power you may feel.

Where Have You Gone?

What do you do when the one from which you draw your strength suddenly becomes weak? How can you hold on when the person who always has your back seems broken beyond repair? I need G. I need him like to come back from the dark place that his mind has taken him and be the man he once was.  He's still in there...I can see him in the depths of his eyes.  I wish I could understand what he sees...hear what he hears...breathe what he breathes. I want to know what's going on inside his head. What has him so...lost? The tears flow like the mighty Mississippi. What snapped? What caused the damn to break? What drove him to the edge? What has him hiding in that place? How long will he be gone? I need him...like a plan needs the sun, like air and water. He's my nourishment. The center of the world. Keeping us grounded like gravity.

Where are you? Where have you gone? How thick is this forest that you're wandering through? Sometimes, there appears to be a clearing in the trees, giving you a moment of lucidity.  Are there birds that will sing to him? Their melody providing a soundtrack to lead him back to us.  Does he hum along? Can he hear my voice in their song? I see him there, so close, yet still beyond my reach.  My hand is outstretched to him. He retreats into the trees. He's pushed to the bring...teetering on the edge.

Whose plan was this? Why does my love have to suffer? He's magical...like a mythical phoenix. And like that bird, he will rise from these ashes victorious and renewed. Come back to me my love. Whenever you're ready, I'll be right here waiting. Come back...I need you.

Doing it My Way

I've had the last few days to just relax, not think about work and troll the internet since a virus had me bed bound. The more I scrolled, the more I saw a trend...women, climbing the ladder, reaching the top, and proclaiming their prosperity. On one hand, I think it's an amazing thing; women making a name for themselves and carving out a world where they are equally successful as their male counterparts.  But, on the other hand, it kind of makes me sad.  Why? When I think back on my childhood memories of my mom, the one thing that stands out the most was that she was always working. Basketball games, track meets, awards ceremonies, plays, church events...she was always working. I never had the pleasure of having my own mother cheer me on, and on senior night, one of my aunts would fill in.

It's kind of like being successful in career and business has been added to the list of pressure already applied to the requirements of today's women. Be pretty, be smart, be sexy, have your own, be famous, be a mogul, etc., etc. It's as if being a mother and a wife have disappeared.  Like catering to your husband and family are no longer a part of a woman's vocabulary.  I know, the feminists will probably attack me, but I just want to be great to the people who matter to me most.  I just want to do things in the order that God intended. Not that working and having a career is wrong, it's just the fact that I know that, in all of this, the children suffer. (Let's face it, in this day and age, it takes two income to raise children half-way decent) I was there too; continuing to educate myself, standing on the rungs of the corporate ladder, and striving to make a name for myself in the field, but I am grateful that God has caused me to have a change of heart.  When I actually sit down and evaluate everything, my degrees, my position, a title, or the initials behind my name don't mean a thing if I'm not using them to please God.  In reality, my heart's desire is to be the best child of God, wife, mother, and sister I can be, and none of that requires me to have a PhD, make six-figures, or have thousands of followers.  I'm trying to get there...slowly but surely. If being on top is what you desire, by all means, get your money, as for me, I'm okay staying in my own lane and being my own competition.