You’ve done your soul-searching, prayed, and gotten yourself together. So far, the man who you are with has done a fairly good job of keeping you interested and occupied. You may have gone on several dates or maybe just talked on the phone but you think you are ready to give him more of your time. You ask me, T, what’s next? What should I be looking for? The next most important thing you should look for in a man relates to job and drive.
Why must he have a job? How easily we forget. You are a single mother (or single woman with no kids), you have children, you have responsibilities, and most importantly, you have a job therefore, your man must have a job as well. Now, the job that he has may not necessarily be the job that he plans to do for the rest of his life but he is gainfully employed and that is a start. I have always said that, McDonald’s or Wal-Mart (It’s not what you make, it’s what you save) may not pay him a salary to allow you to live in the lap of luxury but, it is a job nevertheless and, it says plain and simply in 2 Thessalonians 3:10‘For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat.’ With that being said, it has been established since the beginning of time that, if a man desires to eat and be fed, he must be able to provide. Now, when it comes to working, sometimes, we as women put too much emphasis on the type of job that a man does and we make outrageous requirements of men when we haven’t fulfilled those same requirements ourselves. You want him to have a certain degree, have a certain type of career, drive a certain type of car, and make a certain amount of money while we ourselves are still in school, working a regular everyday job, and trying to better ourselves but have not gotten to the point in life where we want to be. I have always said, any job is better than no job, and no matter what anybody tells you, the working man will always beat out the street hustler in the long run because he doesn’t have to worry about being a burden on someone or starting over when (not if) he gets locked up. As I have stated in previous posts, any man you allow into your life will serve as an example for your sons and, do you want that example showing them how to be a criminal, run from the police, and poison people’s lives with drugs or, do you want them to learn that hard work pays off and that working a job and taking care of your family is the right way to do things. Remember, every decision you make should not be for the satisfaction of your own flesh, but a business decision that is best for everyone in your family. Mainly your children. The working man is the true neighborhood hero. Always remember that.
Now, drive is something different. Street people may call it hustle but I purposely avoid that term because it has a bad connotation. Drive is driven by your why; why you do what you do; why do you get up everyday; the reason why do you go out and get money will always take precedence over any issues that may come your way. Especially when working on someone’s job. Drive is your man’s inner yearning to go out and make things happen for his family and is defined by Webster as an innate, biologically determined urge to attain a goal or satisfy a need. His willingness to work tirelessly to pursue his dreams, make power moves and business decisions that will be beneficial to the ones he loves. Whether it is starting a non-profit that mentors other young men, spitting rhymes in the studio, or working on the weekends selling barbecue out of your front yard, his passion for providing takes over and supersedes all else. His why and his drive is what encourages him to not give up. If you and your children are not that why, he is not the one for you. If his why is material possessions, putting on for the streets or drugs, then he is definitely not worth wasting your time with, no matter how many promises he makes you. If his goal is to go places beyond where he is now, make sure that he wants to take you and your children with him. If he’s driving alone, have him drop you off at the corner because, that’s a ride that will surely lead to heartache.
Until next time ladies. Be ever vigilant and make good choices.