Strictly for the Ladies#1: Self-Evaluation
Finding your mate starts with self. You have to truly and critically look in the mirror and examine the heart and soul of the person staring back at you. What types of men have you chosen in the past? What mistakes did you make with them? What happened in your past relationships, whether it be with a parent, sibling, or a person of the opposite sex, to damage your current psyche? What baggage do you carry from childhood into your adult life that is preventing you from having successful relationships with those of the opposite sex? For me, it was the fact that I felt abandoned by my father as a girl. I spent a lot of my teenage and young adult years trying to replace the love I felt I was missing from my dad, with the lustful infatuation and lies of boys and men that meant me no good. Once I decided to no longer allow the fact that my father was not a good parent to me affect my self-worth, my ability to love myself, and my ability to love and trust men, my life dramatically changed. Ladies (and gents if you're reading) we all have something in our lives that has damaged us in a detrimental way and we carry that damage and project it into our current relationships, many times unknowingly. Once you self evaluate and really dig down deep to get to the source of some of your issues, your next job is to address the source head on. Address the person or persons that hurt you, then forgive them, not for their sake but for yours, so that you can move forward with your life and not carry around the damaging filth that has so far invaded your life. I called my dad, told him how his many lies hurt and damaged me and how my bad choices in men stemmed from the many lies that he told me, the times he made me wait for him and he never showed, and the fact that I never truly felt loved by him. A father should be a girls first love and her example of what a man should be. He totally missed the mark. Most importantly, I expressed to him that his abandonment made me feel unworthy of a man's love and lastly, I forgave him because he was a drug addict and I could in no way continue to hold a grudge against a person who is clearly damaged and needs help himself. I didn't talk to him for another three years after that. If you can't address the person personally, then write them a letter (even if you never mail it) or record what you want to say in your cell phone and play it for them, so that you can rid yourself of the pain and hurt they have caused you. Once you have examined yourself, commit to making a change and refuse to even entertain a man's company until you've fully dealt with your own issues. Value yourself and love yourself first before you even attempt to try to love someone else.