My Love/Hate Relationship with Women


There is no doubt that I am a woman; curvy, beautiful, intelligent, fashionable, nurturing, intriguing and constantly changing.  I am the first to cheer my fellow sisters on, to encourage them, offer them advice, lend them a helping hand and be an ear when they need to listen.  It is an automatic. When my sister wins, we all win and the world shines a little bit brighter. With no biological sisters of my own, I am one of those women who has to rely on outside sources to fill the void and make sisterly connections. I must admit, there is something about sisterhood that delights me, yet scares me at the same time.

I love the fact that women are so versatile; strong enough to bear the children and soft enough to make a man weak in the knees.  We possess the power and wisdom to be the backbones of every nation—birthing and rearing presidents, generals, and inventors.  We’re the glue that holds our families together, the concrete that keeps our children grounded, and the heartbeat of the world.  With all those compliments and accolades, it seems like it should be easy for anyone to love a woman. Not me. I admit, I have a love/hate relationship with the women.

How can I hate women when I’m a woman? It’s not hard to do.  I don’t like the ways of women. Among the tribe, there is a serious lack of sisterhood and an ever present plague of gossiping, fighting, and backbiting. Instead of seeing our sister as a reflection of ourselves, we see her as the enemy. We can’t praise or be genuine with one another because of envy. We may smile and congratulate, but as soon as their back is turned, we are marring their success.  When we see them in love and happy, we find ways to place seeds of doubt in their head because we’re lonely and miserable and we want our sisters to be that way too. 

In their bad times, we rub their backs and hand them tissues, then walk away and spread gossip filled with our sister’s shortcomings and issues.  We air her dirty laundry with reckless abandon and ignore the possible damage, pain or loss of trust our words may cause. We see one another as competition; I have to look better than her, be better than her, be skinnier than her, prettier than her, heels higher than hers, diamond and bags bigger than hers, kids smarter than hers, an ego larger than hers, hell I want to be her, steal her man, take her kids, or whatever just to get at her.  I FREAKING HATE HER! Sound familiar?

In these days and times, women battle more than they come together. Women are constantly videotaped fighting, arguing, and disrespecting each other. Shows like Love & Hip Hop and the Housewives glorify terrible behavior from women. These women are paid and placed on a national platform for exhibiting ratchet behavior. They are admired by many and given endorsements, brands, and wealth from stabbing other women in the back, backbiting, and spreading rumors and gossip. No wonder women feel the need to battle rather than connect and unify. Our country is known for rewarding bad behavior.

One day, we will all realize our power as women: that we are all gems who shine and emit light then, maybe, just maybe we can all be sisters again. When we stop coveting what our neighbor has and focus on bettering ourselves, being mothers and wives, we can come together again.  We can renew our bond.  When we stop worrying about the streets and impressing Mr. and Mrs. Jones, we can once again become one.  Join hands and march like we did with Dr. King, or dance and rejoice, praise and enjoy one another again. Love one another. Offer a hope, encouragement, love, loyalty, honesty, and genuineness. Once again, be friends.  Be sisters.

Tanasia ThomasComment