2019 Accountability Academy Week #1
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For 2019, I have partnered with a group of friends to create an accountability academy. We have pledged to do the work to achieve the goals that we have set for ourselves this year. 2019 is the year of change. The year of accomplishment. The year when excuses are no longer acceptable. I have decided to make our journey and the assignments that we are doing to better ourselves available to others who may not necessarily have people to share with.

Assignment #1: Choose one word (I have two) that will be your mantra for 2019. This word will serve as your focus for the year and the majority of your goals will be centered around it.

Example: My word is focus. I chose focus because I feel lost at times and unsure of the direction I should take. My secondary word is faith. I need to increase my faith and stop worrying.

Come on and take this journey to a better you. If you would like to participate and want someone to check in with you, please contact me on all of my platforms.

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Word for 2019: Focus
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January 1st. The day when everyone makes proclamations to become new people, profess to leave old things in the past, and making plans to change behaviors. My mantra for 2019 doesn’t have anything to do with becoming someone new. I just want to Focus. Focus on myself, my dreams, my goals, my happiness, my sanity, and my soul.

The definition of Focus is to be the center of activity or interest, pay particular attention to, or the state or quality of having or producing clear visual definition. The word describes my goals for the year perfectly. I am placing own well-being at the center of interest. As a wife and mother, I spend so much time taking care of other people. This year, I am promising to take care of myself; eat how I want to, go out with friends more, travel without waiting for someone else, and experiencing new things—even if it means doing it alone. I am placing my dreams and goals at the center of 2019. The first step has already been taken, all I need to do now is begin this journey and focus on elevating myself to the position I desire. Yes, it is going to take some hard work and not taking myself too seriously when I’m not progressing as fast as I want to. Patience will be a part of my focusing journey as well. By focusing on myself, happiness will come and my vision will be clear. Getting back to the basics: reading, writing, blogging, and seeking my Creator will lead to happiness and peace of mind. It’s time. My 38th year of living on this earth will be one for the history books. I am determined to manifest all the greatness within me.

So, instead of making promises to lose weight, to drink more water, to eat healthier or whatever people do for New Year resolutions, I ask you to choose one word. One word to define the path that you want to travel this year. Write that word somewhere that you can see if every day. Use it as your vision board and make a daily conscience effort to fulfill what you need to stay on the path. I hope your 2019 is amazing. The atmosphere is shifting for us all. Be blessed.

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Tanasia Thomas
Learning to Put Myself First
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As a woman, I know how hard it can be to focus solely on yourself. The thought of putting away the “to-do” list, ignoring the children shouting various versions of “mama” and silencing all distractions to pay attention to ourselves seems impossible. It doesn’t seem to be enough hours in the day to accomplish everything, let alone to set aside even five minutes for myself. There’s work, making dinner, doing homework, preparing for the next day, and giving my family the attention that they need. Where does “me” time fit in? The reality is, that it doesn’t, however, the more you mature, the more you realize that taking care of yourself is essential to having the energy to take care of others.

The first step in self-care is realizing that you can’t be everything to everyone. Yes, the people and things in my life require my attention, but before I can give them 100% of me, I need to give 100% of me to me. What’s crazy is that it has taken me over thirty years to realize this. As a wife and mom, I would always feel guilty when I spend time alone with my friends, took time to relax, allowed the laundry to pile up, ignored the dishes in the sink, or took a nap when there was cleaning to be done. I’d convinced myself that I can rest when I’m done doing everything that I need to do. The way life is set up, I’d only be able rest in my grave. I had to realize that, even if I conquered my to-do list, the pile will grow again tomorrow. With that being said, why not take time out to recharge.

The next step in self-care is recognizing the signals your body is sending you. I can remember times when I was utterly exhausted, yet continued on as if my body runs on Energizer batteries. My energy level and health dwindled while my list of expectations continued to mount. The end result is feeling ill or becoming so exhausted that I couldn’t do the one thing on my list that mattered to me the most. Lesson learned. Now, when my body says it needs to rest, I rest. Yes, my planner says that I’m supposed to be working out right now, or reading, or folding laundry, or even writing blog posts, but my body is the commander-in-chief. I’ve learned to never feel guilty about giving my body what it needs.

Self-care means taking time to focus. I don’t know about you, but my mind runs like a Ferrari, on Red Bull. There are times when I am a prisoner of my thoughts. The constant influx of information, thoughts, lists of things to remember, and mental check-offs can be overwhelming at times. It seems I have never been able to shut my mind off or mentally reflect on what I need because I’m so busy trying to keep up. My counselor (yes, superwomen need counseling too) challenged me to create a space where I can go and let my mine be free. Those of us who are mothers know that the bathroom is not that place. Children will hound you as soon as you close the door and the peace you are searching for will never come. I chose my closet. Decluttering it was liberating and worth the labor because the end result is magnificent. I now have a place where I can hide, turn off the lights, lie down with my comfy blanket, and reflect. Or read my Bible. Or meditate. Or pray. No matter what, I can go into my little slice of heaven and gain a few uninterrupted moments of solitude. I never realized how escaping and being alone can leave you feeling refreshed and ready to take on life’s challenges.

Lastly, self-care means doing things you like with people you love. At least twice a month, I make an effort to connect with my friends and have sister dates. Believe it or not, it doesn’t matter if a woman is married or single, we all have obligations that consume the majority of our time. Being able to connect with other women, vent about our lives, share our accomplishments, and hash out our fears is essential to taking care of ourselves. Just having another set of ears to say, “Girl I understand” or a chorus of “Oh hell no!” can work wonders when you doubt your sanity. Some of us can’t afford a therapist, so as women, we can be that for one another. Having time away from the house where you aren’t focused on the needs of others and you can be an “adult” will re-energize you while also giving you something to look forward too. As women, taking care of our family can cause of to lose touch with our friends. I’m here to give you permission to cultivate your sisterhood and make a conscious effort to plan time with your friends. Sip your wine, or tea and be you. .

Self-care is how you take your power back
— Lalah Delia
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Tanasia Thomas
Forgiveness
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Statue: Human Debt; Berlin

One of the hardest lessons I've learned within the past two years deals with forgiveness.  Sometimes, family can hurt you worse than any enemy and the effects can tear you apart at the core. I will be the first to admit that, in the past, if you crossed me, regardless of if you are family or not, I would cut you off.  I'd treat you as if you no longer existed; no calls, no conversations, no visits, no speaking, no texts, no social media, no family events, nothing. It didn't matter to me that the Bible says in Matthew 6:14 says 'For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.'  My pain, hurt, and feeling of betrayal clouded my judgment and hardened my heart.     

It's how I coped. The way I dealt with pain. Rather than do or say something to hurt the other party the way they had hurt me or deal with the pain in a more sensible way,  I withdraw myself from them and the situation until I've allowed my wound to not heal, but form a hard and sticky crust.  What does allowing a sore to fester really do?  I continue to hurt, they continue to live life and absolutely nothing gets resolved. Thank God for forgiveness, grace and mercy, wisdom and understanding.  If not for fervent prayers, seeking God's face and asking for His guidance, I wouldn't be at the place that I am today.  

Forgiveness is not for the other person, it's for you.  You're the one holding all your feelings inside, bottled up, stewing and ready to boil over. Instead of facing it head on and allowing the other person to redeem themselves, you allow the wounds to fester and never heal.  Believe me, I've been cut to the core but eventually, I had to come to the realization that holding a grudge will not only continue to cause me pain but will send me straight to hell.  My soul's salvation is not worth holding something against someones so, why not forgive them and let it go.

Forgiving is cleansing. It cleans the soul and gives each person a refreshing start. It is an essential part of life. We have all done something to upset someone else, to hurt them, to cause them pain, or give them a reason to never look our way again and, if we're honest, it felt good when they accepted our apology and forgave.  Forgiveness is free.  It doesn't cost a penny and it can be the very thing needed to renew a relationship.  If there is one thing I've learned in my short 37 years, people will be people. You have to take them at face value. They will be who they will be. You just have to be cautious in your dealings and expect that, being the perfectly imperfect beings that we are, something is bound to go wrong, someone is bound to get their feelings hurt and mistakes are bound to be made.  No matter what, we have to be sure to learn the lesson we should take away from the situation. 

Forgive, let go and let God handle the rest. In order to grow, prosper and continue to elevate to the next level, we must forgive those who have done us wrong.  Grudges are the equivalent of baggage that will only weigh down your soul and prevent you from soaring high.  Release the baggage, stop holding the grudge, let the hurt and pain heal and watch some amazing things happen in your life.  In the words of Indira Gandhi, "Forgiveness is a virtue of the brave." It takes heart to forgive and start again. If you don't take anything away from this post, always remember this: I've wasted so much time in my life holding grudges and being mad at people, who probably had no idea why I was upset in the first place.  I've forgiven them and taken back the piece of my soul they've taken away. Forgiving people is not only good for you, it's essential to your survival. 

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True Heart of a Man

In my new book, Dudoir Confessions, I present six different men in six different types of relationships. I think it will be something interesting for women to see because I actually modeled the characters, their personalities, and incidents in their lives after real things that have either happened to my muses or men that I know. I used things that my muses told me about themselves, how they see relationships, how they view women, and what we all do wrong in relationships.

In writing this book, I honestly feel like I am somewhat of an expert because I have brothers and over twenty five male cousins. I have been around males all my life who have given me the real and told me what to look out for in men.  In relationships, often times we think everything is okay because a man is talking to us and telling us things, however, we should only take the words coming out of their mouth for face value.  By nature, men are creatures of action. Communication and talking doesn't mean as much to them as it does to women. To prove this theory, all you have to do is watch little kids. If you go to the playground and look at little children, you will find the little girls huddled somewhere having conversations while the boys are running, kicking, and jumping around. For the most part, males are not talkers. Now, we do know that one man that can talk a female under the table, but he's the exception to the rule, and definitely not the norm.

Once again, men show you how they feel about you through their actions.  When you are with someone, you have to ask yourself, do the words he's saying match up with what he is doing? If they don't match, then you need to go with the action. You don't go with words because obviously this man is telling you what you want to hear. He can tell you anything.  It's what he shows you.  An example would be: you are dating this man, he texts you and calls you throughout the day, but you only get to see him late at night. He hardly takes you anywhere, or not at all, and you haven't met his friends or family, but he manages to come to your house late in the evening to "Netflix and chill".  He's not showing you off and basically, it's a you and him relationship, that's not a relationship.  He's basically showing you what you are . . . a booty call or a person he calls when he's done with whomever else he is messing with.

Women are naturally hopeful and we often choose to look on the bright side of things, when in reality, we should be keeping it real with ourselves. He can text and call you all day and still have a woman that he's with.  Again, it's what he's showing you.  Women often fail to realize what is right in front of our face.  So, part of this novel focuses on the fact that we have to pay attention to a man's actions and what he does. Men are show and prove type of creatures. As women, we see the signs and we don't necessarily ignore them, but we are afraid to call men out on what we feel like they were doing wrong.  We can become insecure and be afraid that the man will think that we are crazy or being insecure. I would rather him see me as being insecure for a moment, than to be walking around worrying about what he's doing or to feel like I'm being played. I have learned that, no matter how good of a man he is, you must follow your instinct and ask questions. No matter how hard asking those questions may be. If you see something that isn't right, ask.  You have to learn the truth for yourself.  Trust . . .but verify.

I also want to show that woman can ruin a man.  Bad relationships ruin men just as much—if now more—than they mess up women.  I actually think they mess them up worse because men are more sensitive. When they love a woman deeply and she hurts them, it will make it ten times worse on the next person. Women suck it up, we get over, we may even do something petty, but eventually we move on.  Bad relationships stick with men longer.  Those memories flash back just as soon as you do something that reminds him of the woman who broke his heart. Men don't forgive as easily, so if they've had a few bad relationships, they group us all into the same category.  I'm not saying it's right . . .but it's what they do.

Dudoir Confessions is a book for the ladies.  It shines a light on the innermost thoughts of men and how they view relationships, their children, love, and even the mistakes that they make. It will even show the hard reality that, you may be the most amazing woman in the world, but you can't change a man.  He won't change until he is ready. He may do some things to get you off of his back, but he will end up resenting you if the change is not something that he does for himself. Women are nurturers who want to save the world, and not even children can make a man change unless he has the desire to be a better person. I hope that in this book, women can get a better understanding of the men in their lives and the single men that are out there. They love just as hard as we do, and believe it or not, they hurt even harder. Check it out on February 2nd.

Hope...

Have you ever been hurt so deeply that it feels like you will never heal? The type of pain that makes you want to throw in the towel? I must admit . . . I have. I'm sure we all have, and what usually takes us by surprise is, this hurt comes from the people we least expect it to. What does hurt do; it damages relationships, causes strife, and makes a person doubt the importance of their lives. The storm of life may be raging out of control and you don't even have a clear vision of the path in front of you. You been whipped by the wind, bruised by the hail, and battered by the clouds. Still, there must be hope. No matter how low you may seem in your life, there is always a way to look up to the sky, know and understand that even when you are at your lowest . . . even when you have landed in the deepest of pits, there is always hope. No matter how dark it may seem, there is always light at the end of the tunnel.

It doesn't matter who hurt you. I can admit the majority of my pain has been from those who have claimed to love me the most. That pain seems to be a pain that cannot be soothed no matter how you choose to medicate it.  Seeing as how family betrayal is always a shocker, it causes one to take it pretty hard.  The wounds can be devastating at best and instill in you a sense of insecurity that never existed before.  You lose your trust, you doubt your purpose and you ponder the true meaning of love.  We've all been there, some at greater levels than others, but the feeling doesn't just up and walk away without leaving remnants of the stinky mess. It can be hard to overcome and find the strength to climb out of the pit you're in. One thing I have learned is, there is always hope.  There is always an escape and just when you feel like you can't take another second of the torture, a cool breeze blows in the aftermath of the hurricane and reminds you of what it feels like to have peace.

The quickest way to overcome hurt, and understand what has really occurred for another person to cause you pain is to look within. Self-evaluation is one of the hardest things that anyone will have to do. It's like taking a huge light and shining it on your flaws and imperfections.  From the way one of your eyes slants a little more than the other to the crooked turn of your nose.  Self-evaluation isn't about beating yourself down even farther into the pit that you are already in, but it is about really taking a magnifying glass to your situation. Sometimes, the person that we need to be delivered from is ourselves. Every major change in anyone's life begins with seeing yourself for who you really are and deciding to no longer be that person. It is often at our lowest moments when we can look up and see the mighty power of God. No matter what our situation may appear to be, or how bad it looks from where we are, we must always remember that we are never hopeless . . . never forsaken. Psalms 7:1-8

Tanasia Thomas
How much did you pay for that?
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In our world today, we are more about appearances than actual happiness and security. In these times, we allow our outer appearance and what we see on the outside to form our opinion of others. I'm not saying that a person should look worn down or sloppy . . . not by any means, since I am someone who prides themselves on always looking my best when leaving home. What I'm not about is looking good at the detriment of my family, myself, or my finances. When I see someone or meet them . . . I do look at their outer appearance but I'm absolutely not sold on them until I am able to evaluate what's inside. When I see someone looking nice and fashionable, I think to myself, now how much did they really pay for that? What do I mean by that? I'm definitely not talking about money.  Keep reading and you'll find out.

There are those of us who are willing to accept almost anything for a few baubles and trinkets. Put up with a little abuse, neglect, and degradation in order pop tags on some Ralph Lauren and carry a Michael Kors bag. Are those outfits worth your pride and dignity or ability to hold your head up high? Are they worth the mistreatment, the lying and the cheating, your health or your life even (AIDS is real)? So you had the streets talking; Facebook and Instagram popping not caring that your kids are failing school, your house is filthy, your bills are way past due, and your daughter is turning into you.

Those of you who would rather look like money than actually have money area part of what is wrong with society. You get in line for the new Jordan's, slam down wads of cash for that bracelet and chain, and blind us with the diamonds in your watch and pinky ring. Is that bling worth the price you really paid? Worth all the sleepless nights on the corner, all the breaths you held when those flashing lights got behind you, and the lives your poison ruined or the years you spent caged? Not caring that any day may be your day when your kids will have to see you behind prison walls, your mama will be accepting collect calls, the warden says you have to work even though it's only 25 cents an hour and your son will grow to be like you since his daddy spent his life in jail too. Is it worth it?  The ability to stunt temporarily may be their only purpose for living because if you take away those shoes, that jewelry, that bag, and that car, what would they have left?

What's the lesson in all of this? Keeping up with the Jones' and trying to put on appearances will send you to the poor house quicker than you think.  Instead of putting your money towards something constructive like a computer so your child can do their homework, pay a tutor so they can stop failing their classes, or pay for yourself to take a course, you would rather spend it on material things.  The most valuable things like love, knowledge, and peace of mind are priceless and unable to be purchased no matter how many dollars you.

If you have to beg, borrow, steal, rob or kill to get the material things that you want, the first thing you should ask yourself, was it worth it? Was the true price you paid worth the enjoyment that you're getting from that item? If the answer is yes then by all means carry on, but if you're not willing to risk life, freedom, dignity or self-esteem then maybe you ought to reconsider and put it back on the rack. Spend wisely

Sabotage
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There are times in life when you find yourself in a state of perpetual bliss. Everything's going the way that you want. Your relationship is great, your career is taking off or is going in the direction you have hoped for, your family is prospering, your children are behaving, your spouse is helping around the house and your pockets are overflowing with an abundance of cash. There's only one problem; you don't know how to enjoy it. You have this feeling in the pit of your stomach that something is going to happen to ruin your happiness. You're watching and waiting for what is to come and, you have your umbrella at arm's reach just in case you get caught in the midst of a storm. You wait and you wait and you wait but, nothing happens. Then, you're so anxious that, since trouble hasn't found you, you decide to go looking for it.

Once you've been in a bad relationship; had your heart-broken, been treated badly, been cheated on, been used or abused, instead of resisting and fighting back, something goes haywire and you start to expect it. You devalue yourself and tell yourself that you don't deserve something good. You're so accustomed to being mistreated that you welcome mistreatment. You don't know how to act when you're being treated well. The voice of the naysayers, previously drowned out by the cheerful music in your mind, resonates loudly, drowning out the once sweet music of your psyche. Distrust, jealousy, and resentment replace the feelings of love and elation and, the "bombs over Baghdad" start to explode. In your quest to find trouble's lair, you severe the once-strong bonds of your loving relationship and your home becomes a war zone as the rest of your life transforms into a battlefield. Even sensual sex can't bandage the painful wounds of spoiled love's grenades and your homie/lover/friend is now your arch-enemy.

I can't say that I haven't been there. So caught up on what could go wrong that I wasn't focusing on what was right. So ready to "pop off" if something went down; planning my attack, searching for clues that I never found, waiting for news of infidelity or deceit, and listening to those around me as they spewed forth bad advice. I was so used to a man doing wrong that, when I had one doing right, I pushed him away with insecurity and mistrust. Luckily, this man had the patience to subdue my feelings of inadequacy and has replenished my faith that there are good men out there just waiting for the right woman to come along so he can engulf her in his love. I must say, ladies that, sometimes, the pain we suffer from love lost is inflicted by our very being. I've learned to look at each man as an individual. Allow him to erase what has happened to me in the past and write his own story. Take down the walls inside and not allow the volcano within to erupt and burn all hope of love into ash. It may be one of the most difficult tasks in life but, you have to learn not to harden your heart. Love is out there but, if your heart isn't dressed when love is ready to knock, you could miss your opportunity to truly be happy. We must all go through a little pain, a little rain, a sadness, and take a few blows before we find joy. Oh, when you find it. True love will make you forget about all the bad things of the past, get rid of the baggage from previous journeys of love, and start fresh and new with a person who was hand molded by God for you. I've said all of this in order to leave you with a few last words, "If love came packaged perfectly, you'd be skeptical of its intentions, so when it comes wrapped in a package that you've never seen before, make sure that you crack your knuckles, take a comfortable seat and enjoy the thrill of taking something special out of the box." Love, make love, and give love.

Foolish Idolatry
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So, I was speaking with one of my students the other day about role models. He told me that his role model is Lil Wayne because he is a thug. This didn't surprise me at all because, in dealing with these young people on a daily basis, I know and understand that they see womanizing, doing drugs, drinking and being a criminal glorified on a daily basis by rappers and the girls get told that showing their bodies and doing anything for their man is better than being smart glorified by these video vixens. What I did do that he didn't expect was challenge him and pick his brain. I asked him what his definition of a thug was. He said, 'Somebody that robs, kills, steals, and is hard.' I said so, you mean to tell me that you want to be like a person that robs people, kills people and steals from people. Why are you in school trying to get an education then? That type of person won't do anything but end up in jail and you don't need an education for that. He told me that he really didn't want to do that but that he thought that Lil Wayne is a "G" and "Bout that life". I asked him about what life? I said Lil Wayne has been rapping since he was a little boy so how much of a thug or a G could he have been? How many people could he have robbed, killed or stolen from to earn any kind of street cred at the age of nine? Then, I asked him did he think Drake was a thug and a "G" too? Of course, he said yes. I told him what thug do you know danced and sang on the Mickey Mouse club with Brittney Spears when they were growing up. Drake is just a dressed up pretty boy who has his lyrics written by someone else and is personified as a gangster. I told him that most of these rappers have college degrees and have never been any kind of thug in their life and are selling you all a dream. They are telling you a story of a life they never lived and getting you to believe it and, while they are living in their million dollar condos and driving Lamborghini's, you are struggling to survive or acting out the things they make seem cool and ruining your life with a jail sentence. I told him to make sure that he does his research on a person before committing himself to be like them. Don't let someone else make you a fool. I told him the person he needed to idolize are the male teachers he's around everyday, his basketball coach Mr. Bellamy or our principal Mr. Clark. Real men, that he can walk up to and talk to, ask questions of and learn about REAL life from, not some idiot rapper who could give to farts about him, his mother, his brothers or their struggles in the hoods of Palmetto. We never got to finish our conversation because I had a lecture and notes to give but, I would hope that the things I talked to him about would somehow nag him deep down inside until he saw the error of his ways. If this is the state and the minds of the youth in our communities, we have ALOT more work to do than I ever anticipated and I'm determined to change them, one mind at a time.

Why I Don't Have Thug Passion
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I can’t lie, there is something about a “bad boy” that makes a woman feel some type of way. I can’t count how many times I’ve heard a woman say that they love “thugs” or street dudes. The hustler you see with muscles, gold teeth, tattoos, and a rap sheet whose name is ringing in the streets. I won’t lie, I was one of those women too. Attracted to the bad boy; intrigued by a life of excitement, lured by the call of a man who lived by his own rules, and drawn to the challenge of trying to see the good in him and make him change for the better.  Like many others, I truly loved him and I thought that, if I showed him a better way of life, when he came to the fork in the road, he’d choose the straight and narrow over the wide road to destruction. In the words of Biggie, ‘it was all a dream’ and a huge waste of time, a source of needless pain, and a situation I should have turned and ran like hell from. I know what you’re saying, a person can’t help where they came from and just because someone was raised/or is in the streets doesn’t make them a bad person or mean that they cannot change. They may be a product of their environment. They may be resorting to the only means they know to take care of themselves and their family. All of this may be true but let me tell you why I’d take a good man over a bad boy any day.

What exactly is a thug? We may have our own definition but what is Webster’s definition. In the dictionary, the definition of thug is a violent person, a brutal ruffian, a criminal and historically, a thug is a member of a religious organization of robbers and assassins in India who were devotees to the goddess Kali (goddess of time, doomsday, and death) who waylaid and strangled their victims in a ritual manner. Some of you may call them hustlers but what exactly is a hustler. According to Webster, a hustler is a person who obtains or sells something by energetic or underhanded activity, to convey forcibly or hurriedly and often in a rough manner. Unfortunately, these definitions describe a thug and a hustler accurately. Reading this, I think to myself, now who wants someone like that? Why in the world would anybody in their right mind want someone who is described as a brutal ruffian? Who would want to bring someone around their family, children, or into their household who is described by society as a criminal or violent person who obtains or sells something by doing underhanded activity? Some of us, are gluttons for punishment and we would accept the unfulfilling and impossible challenge of falling in love with someone we know is bad for us just to one day have the joy of saying our love “changed” them.You can have those bad boys and thugs. I’ll take a good man and hold him up against any one of them. His pants don’t sag below his waist but, in his polos, khakis, and loafers, he’s got definite swag. His might is not in his fists but in his progressive thoughts, prosperous decisions, and calculate actions he proves a worthy adversary to dispel any stereotypes that may stand to place a damper on his steady rising star. His intelligence and wit is fascinating; drawing you in to his world, taking you on a mental fantasy ride, making you high while keeping you grounded in reality. His dreams are big and his determination is even bigger. He doesn’t need to adjust his crotch in hopes of staking a claim at being a man or shout profanities from the rooftops to show his edge; his stance reeks manhood and his presence alone speak volumes. He can change minds with just one sentence and commands attention when he enters any room. He understands that you allow the experiences to teach you about life, the books to teach you about history, and society to teach you about people but you never allow your past to define the present or your future. He’s a man that can network with presidents, CEOS, and government officials while still holding his own at any neighborhood barbeque.

So you see ladies, you can keep your bad boy thug. I’m a woman, I don’t need nor do I want an oversized boy. I’ll take Superman personified over your Dolemite. His intelligence is the new swag. He’s what every girl should ask Santa for. I’ve found mine and daily, he proves to me that I made the right choice. Choose wisely ladies. Just because you see his potential doesn’t mean he wants to put it to use. Love and be blessed.